Matt and Abby Howard Open Up on Pregnancy Loss Journey

Popular content creators Matt and Abby Howard recently shared an deeply personal and painful account of their pregnancy loss, opening up on their “The Unplanned Podcast.” The Arizona-based couple, known for their honest portrayal of family life, recounted the devastating moment they discovered their third child no longer had a heartbeat, and the subsequent difficult choices and emotional aftermath.

Their journey through this profound grief began with an initial announcement in late September, but it was on the October 8 episode of their podcast that they bravely delved into the raw details, offering a candid glimpse into a tragedy many families face in silence. Their story, marked by immense sorrow yet underscored by resilience, offers solace and understanding to a broad audience, reflecting Google’s people-first content philosophy by prioritizing authentic human experience.

A Routine Checkup Turns Devastating

The Unsettling Silence

The nightmare began during what should have been a routine pregnancy checkup. Abby, already a mother to two sons, Griffin (3) and August (2), described the appointment as “very routine.” The normalcy, however, quickly dissolved into an unsettling silence when the nurse attempted to locate the baby’s heartbeat using a Doppler machine.

“She couldn’t find anything and it was taking a little bit,” Abby recalled on the podcast. The prolonged search, a few moments stretching into what felt like an eternity, stirred a primal fear within her. “That’s always spooky. That’s, like, that’s a worse fear situation,” she confessed, articulating the dread that any expectant parent would recognize.

Matt stood by, sharing in the growing apprehension as the nurse’s attempts proved fruitless. The atmosphere in the room, initially calm and expectant, slowly thickened with unspoken worry. The couple’s hopeful anticipation for their third child, a baby girl, suddenly hung precariously in the balance, threatened by each passing second without a reassuring beat.

Confirmation of the Unimaginable

As the nurse continued to struggle, another doctor was called in, a common procedure when a heartbeat is elusive. This second attempt with the Doppler also yielded no sound, but the doctor offered a glimmer of reassurance, suggesting that “these things happen” and sometimes the baby’s position makes it difficult to detect a heartbeat. Despite the comforting words, the growing unease led them to an ultrasound room for a more definitive check.

It was there, in the quiet solemnity of the ultrasound, that their worst fears were confirmed. Abby recounted the moment the technician began the scan. “They put the little thing on where they’re looking for the red and blue for cardiac activity, and the only red and blue dots were outside of her little body, which would probably be like my heartbeat. Right?” she explained, her voice heavy with the memory.

The devastating truth became clear when Abby instinctively reached for the ultrasound technician’s arm. “And then I just remember these were I literally grabbed [the ultrasound technician’s] arm and she said, ‘Abby, I don’t have good news for you,’” Abby shared, visibly emotional. “And that was when it feels like there was an Abby [before] that moment and an Abby [after] that moment.” It was a watershed moment, forever altering their lives, marking a stark division between a past filled with hopeful dreams and a future irrevocably touched by loss.

Making an Impossible Choice: Delivery vs. Removal

In the immediate aftermath of receiving such shattering news, Matt and Abby were faced with an agonizing decision. Abby was presented with two options: either undergo a medical procedure at an abortion clinic to “remove” the deceased fetus, or go to a hospital and deliver the baby.

Amidst the profound shock and sorrow, Abby made a choice rooted in maternal instinct and a desire to honor the life that had briefly been. She opted for delivery. “Delivering her would be like one of the last acts as her mom that I could take part in,” she explained, a poignant testament to her enduring love for her unborn daughter. This decision, she acknowledged, was an deeply personal and difficult one, highlighting the complex emotional landscape that accompanies such a loss.

The experience of delivering a baby who is no longer living is an unimaginable ordeal. Abby vividly recalled the crushing weight of that moment as she prepared to enter the hospital. “I will never forget walking into the hospital,” she recounted, tears welling up. “I was just looking at my feet and I was just thinking, ‘One more step, more step, one more step.’ Because that’s all I could do is break up into next right step, the next right step.” This powerful imagery captures the sheer mental and emotional fortitude required to face such a harrowing journey.

Matt echoed the immense difficulty of the situation, articulating the unique pain involved. “Delivering a baby that’s no longer living is just something that a woman should never have to do,” he chimed in, his voice filled with empathy for his wife’s suffering. He emphasized the stark contrast to a typical birth: “You think about the pain and how hard it is like just regular birth already is so tough on a woman’s body but then to add on the reality that you’re going through all of that to not even get your child.” Abby simply added, “I just remember thinking like this is all so cruel,” summing up the profound unfairness of their situation.

Navigating the Waves of Grief and Healing

Initial Shock and Retreat from Social Media

After leaving the hospital, Matt and Abby described themselves as being in “complete shock.” The immediate days and weeks were a blur of intense emotion, as they began the difficult task of informing their parents and other loved ones about the “horrible” news. The burden of sharing their grief compounded their own sorrow, but their openness provided a vital support system.

Recognizing the need to protect her mental and emotional well-being, Abby made the conscious decision to step away from the public gaze of social media. For content creators whose lives are often intertwined with online platforms, this was a significant step, allowing her the necessary space to process her feelings without external pressure or unsolicited advice. This period of disconnection was crucial for her to begin grappling with the magnitude of her loss.

Intentional Steps Toward Healing

The healing journey, Abby emphasized, has been a deeply intentional and multifaceted process. Rather than suppressing her emotions, she has actively engaged in practices aimed at healthy grieving. “Ever since that day… I’ve spent a lot of time reading, journaling, talking to everyone that I can, like in real life, just talking about her and everything that I’m feeling,” she revealed.

Crucially, Abby has sought connection with others who have walked a similar path. “I’ve talked to a lot of other moms who have lost their babies far too soon,” she continued. This solidarity with a community of shared experience has provided immeasurable comfort and validation. Beyond peer support, she has also embraced professional help. “I’ve also gone to therapy and just done a lot of things to intentionally work on healing and begin this healing journey in a healthy way,” she stated, highlighting the importance of professional guidance in navigating such profound trauma. Their transparency in sharing these coping mechanisms serves as a powerful resource for others facing similar challenges.

Their Initial Announcement: A Genetic Condition and Enduring Hope

The Howards initially announced their pregnancy loss in a joint Instagram post on September 27. The post, accompanied by a poignant photo of the couple holding hands while Abby wore a hospital gown, conveyed the profound sorrow they were experiencing. “It is with very heavy hearts that we share about the loss of our baby girl born far too soon,” they wrote, inviting their millions of followers into their vulnerable moment.

In that initial announcement, they also revealed a crucial detail about their daughter’s passing. They shared that they learned their baby girl “had a genetic condition that took her life around 17 weeks gestation.” This information, while providing some medical context, did little to lessen the emotional devastation. “The news felt unimaginable. The grief is absolutely devastating,” they expressed, giving voice to the raw anguish of their experience.

Despite the overwhelming pain, their message also carried an undeniable undercurrent of hope and gratitude. “But we feel so much gratitude for the time that we did get to have with her. And we still have hope. Hope has continued to show up for us in so many ways,” they affirmed. They concluded their heartfelt message by welcoming “thoughts and prayers” as they “grieve and continue to think of ways to honor her life offline,” acknowledging the need for private reflection alongside their public sharing. “Thank you everyone for celebrating this precious life with us for the past 17 weeks,” they concluded, a touching tribute to the brief but impactful life of their daughter.

A Resonating Message for Others

By choosing to share their painful story, Matt and Abby Howard have transformed their personal tragedy into a source of support and awareness for countless others. Their candidness on “The Unplanned Podcast” and their initial Instagram announcement provide a much-needed platform for discussing pregnancy loss, an experience that, despite its prevalence, often remains shrouded in silence and stigma.

Their journey – from the shocking discovery of no heartbeat to the agonizing choice of delivery, and then to the intentional process of healing – resonates deeply with individuals and families who have endured similar losses. By articulating their grief, their coping mechanisms, and their continued hope, Matt and Abby have not only honored their baby girl but have also fostered a sense of community and understanding. Their vulnerability serves as a powerful reminder that even in the darkest moments, there is strength in shared experience and an enduring capacity for healing.

FAQs

What prompted Matt and Abby Howard to share their story?
They shared their deeply personal account of pregnancy loss on “The Unplanned Podcast” to offer solace and understanding to others.

How was the pregnancy loss discovered?
It was discovered during a routine checkup when the nurse couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat, which was later confirmed by ultrasound.

What difficult choice did Abby Howard face after receiving the news?
She had to choose between a medical procedure to remove the deceased fetus or going to a hospital to deliver the baby.

What was the cause of their baby girl’s passing?
Their baby girl had a genetic condition that took her life around 17 weeks gestation.

What steps has Abby taken for her healing journey?
She has engaged in reading, journaling, talking to others, connecting with moms who experienced loss, and attending therapy.

Follow Them on Social Media

• Matt Howard: Instagram | X (Twitter)
• Abby Howard: Instagram | X (Twitter)
• The Unplanned Podcast: Instagram